In Living Memory
by phppsmss
Summary: Nearly two hundred years on, reputation of the Tenth division was in the doldrums. Hitsugaya/Matsumoto friendship fic.


**Title: **In Living Memory

**Disclaimer: **The usual

**Extra note:** I know I'm suppose to work on Wrath of Sorcerers. Forgive moi!

* * *

**Despite** the fact the world was turning into a blurry, swimming mess, her mind was still undoubtedly lucid - much to her dissatisfaction.

Emptying her umpteenth glass of booze, she slammed her fist against the counter and ordered another half a dozen glasses.

Anything to dull the ache, to provide temporary relief to the perpetual sorrow that was threatening to consume her whole.

"Taichou…" Matsumoto murmured, swirling the ice in her fresh glass of booze. It was not before long when emotions got the better of her and she was reduced to a mess of drunken sobs.

Her companion stared helplessly at the familiar image of his wreck of a friend. Cancelling her remaining orders, Renji lifted Matsumoto's sobbing form onto his back and made his way to the tenth barracks. None of the bar patron regarded this scene with novelty. A pattern was established a fortnight ago, where Matsumoto-fukutaichou would crash out in the bar with thrice her usual alcohol consumption and Abarai-fukutaichou would haul that deadweight back to her quarters.

Every time he trekked down the cold streets of Gotei 13, Renji thoughts would always revolve around the cause of his friend's misery.

Exactly fourteen days ago, Soul Society received news that Hitsugaya-Taichou was missing in action. He had disappearing into thin air during his weekly patrol in the Rukongai districts. It was reported that alongside with a mass of reiatsu from two Espadas, faint residual reiatsu from the traitor Gin was also detected at district 61, an area where Histugaya-Taichou went to track enemy activity. Hitsugaya-Taichou most likely battled against them and lost in the face of overwhelming odds.

His body, however, was never found.

Speculation in Soul Society was rife. Either Hitsugaya-Taichou's body was thoroughly disposed, or he was held prisoner at Huendo Muendo - neither of which boded well.

**

* * *

****Matsumoto **woke up four hours later to a splitting headache and the sound of incessant buzzing. Cradling her pounding head, she blearily noted that it was probably in the middle of the night with the moon clearly visible and all; and there was an abnormally powerful gale out there rattling the office windows, threatening to tear off their hinges.

Another round of buzzing broke her out from her revere. Groaning, she stumbled towards the source of the noise with full intention of ridding it before slumping back to her bed and nurse her massive hangover.

She could not help but stare at the vibrating hand phone after rummaging her closet for a good half a minute. The phone was virtually untouched in soul society, only utilised during missions to the real world. She was pretty certain that the battery was flat. The last time she came back from the real world, she was too lazy to charge the hand phone, opting instead to toss it into her closet, slump over the couch and pass out.

Post-alcohol induced brain did not allow the luxury of critical thought. Damning her suspicions, Matsumoto flicked open the phone and answered.

The reception, Matsumoto grumbled inwardly, sucked, with what seemed to be a fierce wind howling noisily in the background and -

"Matsumoto."

The tenth vice-captain froze instantly.

That voice.

Orbs widening, Matsumoto plastered the phone against her ear the fog in her mind cleared in an instant.

"…Taichou?" Matsumoto asked in a deathly whisper before relief unleashed her previous emotional burden, "_You're alive! _

"Matsumoto," Hitsugaya's seemed distant, his usual baritone partially masked by the howling noise in the background. Upon hearing her pelting a flurry of questions, he voice took a firmer tone," _Matsumoto._ I'm dead."

"_Dead?" _Matsumoto's mind came to an absolute standstill, her surge of relief giving way to bewilderment, "Taichou… What do you mean? You… you are talking to me right now…"

"I… I'll be around for awhile.

"Taichou. What are you talking about?"

He was not making any sense. He was not dead. He was talking to her damnit. How could the dead still be alive? What happened-

The sudden clarity of a single fact stood out against a whirlwind of questions, confusion and aggravation; and Matsumoto momentarily forgot how to breathe.

"Gin," she asked breathlessly, "It was Gin who did this to you."

Her response came in the form of jarring static from turbulent winds before a dull beep signalled the end of the call.

* * *

"**I** heard him Renji."

Renji stared helplessly at his good friend. She has been harping on it for days now.

"You _have to _believe me Renji," Matsumoto pleaded, clutching her beer mug in a death grip, "I know it sounds crazy but Taichou called me. He really did!"

Renji considered putting across nicely to her for the fifth time in days that it was not possible as Hitsugaya-Taichou has passed on,followed by Matsumoto insistence that her Taichou had called her on that night where '_we were drinking a couple of days ago, remember?'_ and he will counter with mild exasperation that it was probably – definitely – the alcohol screwing around with her brain, before it dawned upon the red-haired Vice-captain that he refused to witness that crushed expression of hers nor hear that voice laced with desperation any longer.

Renji opted to remain silent. That resigned countenance resurfaced as she took the first of her many swigs of liquor –again- for that night, for the following nights.

* * *

"**People** think I'm crazy."

Unohana paused, before resuming her diagnosis.

"Indeed they do. That's why they sent you to me to obtain a psychiatric evaluation," Unohana replied evenly, "However, the only obvious problem is that your liver is undergoing much stress. Please cut down on your alcohol consumption, Matsumoto-fukutaichou."

"Do you believe me then, Unohana-Taichou?"

Momentary silence ensued. Wrapping up her medical report, Unohana placed her brush down and focused her attention on her patient.

"I have a hypothesis."

Matsumoto snapped to attention

**

* * *

****Unohana **spoke of a real world analogy, of hollows and ghosts who lingers between the living world and the dead, of those who linger due to strong emotional attachment, of those who died but have never passed on.

The healer wondered _what if_, Hitsugaya-Taichou's situation was somewhat similar, with more severe repercussions.

Hollows in the real world were borne from immense emotional turmoil at the time of death. Yet, Unohana tone was laced with certainty, it definitely took more than just emotions to sustain a ghost – ghost of a ghost, since the shinigami are already dead- in Soul Society, or the afterlife would be swamped with dead soldiers.

The additional factor would probably be a burgeoning reservoir of unexpended reiatsu that only a captain could possess.

Mouth pulled into a grim line, Unohana suspects a sneak attack, one that caught Hitsugaya-Taichou by surprise and brought out intense emotional upheaval at the point of his death.

His body was not found, and if they crossed out the option of abduction as there had been no news from the enemy after such a long period of time, death was the likely avenue.

She attempted to reconstruct Hitsugaya-Taichou's last moments. A quick battle, one that ended early into the difficult battle against two Espadas. His defeat came from a sneak attack by Gin who dealt the killing blow swiftly. Hitsugaya-Taichou's vital organ could have been impaled by Gin bankai, which was able stretch for miles in a blink of an eye.

The realisation of Gin's sneak attack would have driven Hitsugaya-Taichou over the edge with rage. In that instant, distracted and half a foot into death's door, he must have met with some sort of great explosion – _multiple point blank ceros_ – that left no trace of him.

To say that Hitsugaya-Taichou's elemental-based reiatsu was the sole reason for his return to nature upon death was simplistic to say the least. Grimly, Unohana rationalized that the combination of his massive reiatsu and emotional turbulence retained his consciousness among the mass of soul particles that was once his body at upon death. Since soul society was comprised entirely of soul particles, it would be safe to say that he was in one with nature.

If Hitsugaya-Taichou went down in a fight against Gin and the Espadas after expending a considerable amount of reiatsu, he would probably have passed on like any other soldier. Unohana hypothesized that the massive residual power sustains his consciousness, that he would be alive even in death.

Matsumoto's head spun with the healer's far-fetched hypothesis. It was filled with many assumptions and possible fallacies, yet she felt inclined to believe every single word.

Then, without any warning, her face gained an evident shade of pallor as minutes past. It was only after Unohana voiced her concern, that Matsumoto found her voice and asked hesitantly, as if afraid of confirming her worst suspicions.

"How long will this condition persist till his consciousness fades out?"

"I'm not certain. Until his residual powers expire. Given his massive elemental prowess, it could be years or decades or centuries or even…"

"A millennia…" Matsumoto whispered, eyes widening in shock.

"It is just speculation," Unohana assured, yet her tone implied otherwise, "A wild guess of mine."

* * *

"**To** request for participation in the assault with your mental stability is ridiculous," Mayuri sneered , voicing his disapproval in that dull baritone of his, "I've been told that you've been hearing things, or the voices of your captain. We certainly don't need a mad woman on the battle field."

"With all due respect Mayuri-Taichou," Matsumoto seethed, resisting the urge to drive Haineko through him, "I wasn't hearing things."

The twelfth division captain ignored her as he clicked his long fingernails impatiently against the tabletop, "Unohana-Taichou, surely such unstable shinigami be taken off active duty, much less retain her vice-captain position."

"She may have experienced certain emotional issues, but there is nothing wrong with her mental stability," Unohana response was coated with a tone of finality.

The sudden slamming of Yamamoto's cane against the ground silenced the clamour instantly.

"Other than Matsumoto-fukutaichou, the rest of you are dismissed," Yamamoto commanded as he trained his eyes on the Tenth division vice-captain.

Obeying his command, the Captins filtered out of the hall as Matsumoto remained in her knelt position before the seated commander, bearing the weight of his heavy gaze.

"Since the tenth division lacks a captain, I expect you to demonstrate competency when you head the assault team for your division."

Matsumoto failed to mask her astonishment. The commander continued, speaking with wisdom that came with age, "You are first and foremost a soldier of Sereitei. Do not let your emotions cloud your judgement on the battlefield."

"SouTaichou, you… you believe me?"

Upon witnessing his darkened gaze, Matsumoto gained an abrupt realisation. Who else to understand her Taichou's plight than a fellow Elemental who bore the same price for wielding great power?

Wordlessly, she prostrated, forehead in contact with the ground for a good ten seconds before standing erect and leaving the hall with another formal bow.

Yamamoto watched the departing figure for the longest time. His brows creased as he felt the weight of the world on his old shoulders.

"Young one," the grip on his cane tightened, aged voice with undertones of forced conviction, "we will emerge victorious."

An afternoon draft entered through the crack between window planes, bringing welcome relief from the warm weather - but he knew better.

Even though he had governed these lands for several millennia, it seemed like a whole lot longer.

**

* * *

****Gin's** grin faltered briefly as he studied her.

His Rangiku of the past would waver in battles against him, with her attacks constantly dulled by hesitation, tied down by chains of their past.

The woman before him was a different story. Orbs blazing with barely smouldered fury as her reiatsu pulsed with agitation, it struck Gin how feline she looked - predatory gaze carrying an underlying intent of shredding her prey pieces.

Beside her stood Ukitate, Sougyo no Kotowari in his hands ready for a slaughter.

"Supposed you're still pissed about lil' Taichou," Gin drawled as a creepy grin stretched across his face, "Gomen ne Ran-chan. Superior's orders."

Matsumoto stared at the traitorous ex-captain. Despite their past acquaintance, she was still largely unable to understand that enigma she considered a friend.

Rage and frustration accumulated from past hectic weeks threatened to burst into overdrive and her eyelids fluttered shut for some semblance of control.

It was time for a clean break.

"You've condemned Taichou to a fate worse than death," Matsumoto voice adopted a steely edge as she readied into a battle stance, the last of her lingering regrets towards Gin dissipiating instantly, "Gomen Gin. I'm afraid you'll have to forfeit your life."

**

* * *

****The** aftermath of the war sparked celebrations with plenty of drinking parties scattered throughout Sereitei. Matsumoto rejected invitations to parties, opting instead to drink in the confines her division's office. Concerned for Matsumoto's well-being, Renji chose to skip the celebrations in favour of joining his drinking buddy.

Watching her drinking solemnly on the couch, Renji could only hope that Matsumoto would get over the loss of her captain with time.

A loud buzzing pierced through the silence – and his thoughts – like a hot knife through butter.

Matsumoto's reaction was instantaneous – leaping off the couch, she sped towards the work desk and answered the handphone shakily upon retrieving it from the drawer.

"Matsumoto."

Ignoring Renji's stunned expression as Hitsugaya's voice rang in the stillness of the room, Matsumoto bit her lip as she gripped the phone tightly. There were plenty of things she wanted to say and ask – about Gin, the war, the division. But those seemed trivial as compared to the question that has been plaguing her mind.

"How long will you…"

"This is the last time you'll be hearing from me." Hitsugaya interrupted, purposefully evading her question, "I shouldn't be contacting you in the first place."

Faced with the fact that she was never going to hear from him again, Matsumoto paled while engaging in futile attempts to phantom how intensely _lonely_ he would be, lingering on for eons with no one acknowledging his existence. Lost in grief over his fate, Matsumoto made a promise.

"I'll never forget you Taichou. _Never_."

A pause.

"Thank you, Matsumoto."

The number faded off the screen.

Numbly, she barely registered the phone slipping out of her slackened grip. To her side, Renji gaped incredulously.

"He… Hitsugaya-Taichou really…"

The dam stemming her flood of emotions broke. Matsumoto buried her face into his chest and dissolved into anguish sobs as her friend struggled to comprehend the enormity of the situation.

**

* * *

****For** centuries since her ascent into the seated ranks, Matsumoto-Taichou's reputation was synonymous with vice. Frequent bets organised by testosterone charged males ranged from perceived sexual exploits to chest size

The last two hundred years however, saw Matsumoto-Taichou's reputation plunging in a totally different direction involving her sanity.

Indeed, soul society had her fair share of questionable appointments of captains, with Kurotsuchi-Taichou topping the charts of the resident psychopath while Zaraki-Taichou's insatiable thirst for blood deemed him to be more beast than shinigami.

Despite their twisted personalities, they were admittedly entrenched in reality.

Matsumoto-Taichou was schizophrenic.

Word has it that she t_alks _to dead her Taichou who died two centuries back, conversing as if he persisted in the realm of the dead.

It was said that her appointment as captain a hundred and fifty years ago was controversial and highly contested. In response to the clamour, Unohana-Taichou gave her a clean bill of health – though incredulous, the shinigami knew better to question an acclaimed healer's judgement. SouTaichou justified the appointment through her merit by slaying that traitor Gin. Ukitate-Taichou and Kyoraku-Taichou, placing their faith in their sensei, backed the appointment.

Renji-Taichou was glued to her hip, jumping into her defence to anyone who _dared _to voice their dissatisfaction.

Overt dissent was stemmed instantly, but it did little to quell rumours.

It was such rumours that made Ichikawa Ryosuke curse his ill luck vehemently as he stood in an empty Matsumoto-Taichou's office with great amount of trepidation. The door was flung open and Matsumoto-Taichou entered in her infamous glory. Unsurprisingly, Renji-Taichou tagged along thereafter.

"Neh Taichou, this is the newest recruit I was telling you about. Ichikawa Ryosuke, our new eighth seat." Matsumoto spoke casually as she strode past a shell shocked recruit whose eyes were enlarging to the size of saucers, gesturing to nowhere in particular, "He graduated early, skipped a couple years. We seem to get all the smart ones in our division. "

The dazzling smile flashed towards him sailed over his head as he witnessed with alarm the one-sided conversation between Matsumoto-Taichou and her deceased Taichou. The Tenth division captain's mental instability was notorious even among academy students. Predictably, the tenth division, along with the twelfth, was the least popular choice among graduates. While he really wanted to enter the thirteenth division, allocation of graduates was decided by the captains. His posting the Tenth was highly unfortunate.

Renji-Taichou glaring daggers at him, hand hovering above his sword, indicating that any unfavourable reaction from him would be swiftly met with Hihio Zabimaru.

Gulping audibly, Ichikawa hastily matted self-introductions before excusing himself as he made a quick exit to the division's staff quarters, where he would meet with the other seated officers who would assure him that he would in time get used to her eccentricities and besides, she was really a fantastic Taichou - cheery attitude, free booze and all. It's too bad she never got over her previous Taichou, but hey, that's the epitome of loyalty for you.

Ignoring the fact that she had just scarred her newest recruit, Matsumoto flopped onto her armchair, loudly commenting that '_Renji has been ignoring you recently right Taichou?'_ before looking at her good friend expectantly.

Renji twitched.

Even after two hundred years, Renji was still highly uncomfortable to engage in this warped conversation. It was only behind closed doors and much prodding from Matsumoto did he crank the gears of his jaws.

"Erm hi Hitsugaya Taichou…" Renji trailed awkwardly, blatantly ignoring Matsumoto's boisterous laughter, "We are pretty fine here… Hinamori is applying for captaincy and Matsumoto is a slob as always."

"You are not writing a letter Renji. Taichou knows perfectly well what is happening."

"Well I'm not very good at this," Renji responded irritably before his head snapped in the direction where a hell moth flew in. Landing on his perched finger, the hell moth conveyed a long message that had Renji's visage darkened visibly.

"It's that Vice-captain of mine bitching about some shit again. He should have died young. At least he wasn't a frickkin'nag then."

Kurosaki Ichigo passed on when he was fifty-five, became a seated officer at the age of sixty and was made vice-captain at the age of hundred and thirty. It was a priceless moment of hilarity when he towed an indignant Renji into the joint Captain-Vice-captains meeting on the first day of his appointment, apologising to all for his Taichou's incompetence and proceeded to berate an astonished Renji in a Nanao-like fashion on responsibility.

Fatherhood and age could change a man, even if that man was a hot-headed and sloppy individual during his teens.

Dismissing the hell moth, Renji annoyed gaze fell onto his drinking buddy, "I've to go before Ichigo kills me with his nagging. See you later Rangiku... Hitsugaya Taichou."

Goodbyes to Hitsugaya-Taichou, in Renji's opinion, were the easiest.

"You would think that after all these years, Renji would be a lot more comfortable talking to you," Matsumoto pouted as she rummaged for alcohol to cope with the impending monstrosity on her desk.

"_Don't drag others into your madness Matsumoto. Abarai has more than enough on his plate."_

Not for the first time, Matsumoto wondered if she was finally spiralling into the abyss of insanity.

A month after the war had ended, Matsumoto decided to a one-way conversation with her Taichou in a bid to kick-start her remembering-Taichou's-existence campaign.

It was extremely difficult initially, not to mention awkward, to sustain a one-way conversation. While imagining his response was supposed to be a lot easier to facilitate an ongoing conversation, the process of fabricating it, much less perpetuating her Taichou's response for life, was not a walk in the park.

As such, she was on a lookout for some sort of non-verbal communication by Hitsugaya – which never came. Of course, she was not _that_ off her rocker to assume that any breeze, rain or snow was some sign from her Taichou, but some form of acknowledgement would be great. Twenty years into her campaign, Matsumoto asked in exasperated jest for some sort of response damnit since he was supposed to be part of nature or something, and she could imagine that raised eyebrow of his as a sardonic reply of '_What, you want hail every time I agree with you?' _came a good ten seconds later.

It took her a couple of decades for the conversation to flow naturally. Her fabricated responses reflected Hitsugaya's character with startling similarity overtime, where his indignant yells would echo the hallways of her mind, sending her into fits of giggles as shinigami around her would chalk it to her growing insanity. But regardless of the fluidity of their conversation, Matsumoto was clearly aware that his responses were concocted by her brain.

These days however, it was getting increasingly difficult to distinguish between reality and her figment of imagination.

The day she perceived her Taichou's replies to be really _his_…

"Oh god, I swear that pile of shit multiplies everyday. "

"_Well for one, " Hitsugaya-Taichou said dryly, " I actually did more than my fair share of paperwork instead of dumping everything on my Vice-captain, who was and utterly is still useless in the paperwork department." _

"Rub it in Taichou." Matsumoto scowled, briefly aware of her Vice-captain's arrival, "My way of dealing with paperwork utilises resources more efficiently. Isn't it, Gosuke?"

Probably resigned to his paperwork fate, Gosuke merely relieved Matsumoto of her paperwork with mild disdain.

"Productive as always. I trust that my stress relievers are stocked too."

"If you mean your alcohol Matsumoto-Taichou," Gosuke replied dryly, "Your cupboards are bursting with them."

"_Why were you appointed as captain again?"_

"I place great emphasis on division welfare Taichou," Matsumoto replied Hitsugaya before re-focusing her attention on her vice-captain, "Kyoraku-Taichou has kindly given us several crates of fine alcohol. Distribute them to our guys will ya?"

"_The last time those idiots went roaring drunk, complaints against the Tenth doubled. If you even recall." _

The pair bantered for a good four minutes before Gosukeinterrupted them, reminding his Taichou about her mental health check-up in an hour's time.

Held every decade, the sanity test was a compromise in exchange for Central 46's recognition of her captaincy. As long as she replied to the questions and showed –fabricate / lied - that she was aware that the voices in her head were just a figment of her imagination , she was cleared for active duty.

Stepping out of the barracks, Matsumoto flicked her hair in annoyance as she pouted and grumbled, "Mou, I wonder when I will stop taking these stupid tests. It's annoying."

"_Simple. Just stop talking to dead people."_

"You're _not_ dead Taichou," Matsumoto replied harshly, mood nose diving all of a sudden as the conversation took a familiar turn upon broaching a sensitive topic. Her outburst sent plenty of the newly-minted shinigami scurrying back to their respective divisions in fright after having witnessed the notoriety of Matsumoto-Taichou first-hand. Long past caring the opinions of others, Matsumoto continued to voice out her displeasure, "You are stuck like this and you won't tell me how long you're going to… to persist in this state!"

It took much difficulty this time around with fluctuating emotions clouding her judgement gaining the barest state of lucidity in recognising that the silence that commenced stemmed from her –not _his _- own denial.

Her visit to the Fourth was a blur as she responded to the psychiatric testing on auto-pilot, too distracted by the usual conversational topic failure that resulted in a routine one-sided cold war for days. The Tenth division office was a welcome sight, where Matsumoto dove into her replenished stash and proceeded inhale alcohol. It was not before long before she was sprawled across her desk in an undignified heap, face plastered against paperwork that Gosukehad painstakingly completed.

It was then that her captain responded in a muted voice laced with undertones of guilt.

"_You have ruined your life for mine."_

If alcohol was not clogging her system, the duowould have done a heart-to-heart. A myriad of emotions would bubble within Matsumoto for her Taichou was finally willing to broach on this sensitive topic after nearly two centuries of silence. But as she teetered at the edge of unconsciousness, Matsumoto could only force her stalled verbal mechanisms to convey her feelings all while struggling to keep the slur out of her speech.

"My loyalty… lies with you before Soul Society," she murmured, determination seeping through the partial coherency of her words, "And… if that means being crazy, then so be it. It was my decision from the start."

The air seemed to shift as a cool breeze enveloped her in an embrace.

She knew better, but just for once - Matsumoto thought before slipping into oblivion - let it be otherwise.

**End of "In living Memory"**

* * *

Felt that I was broaching on certain debatable topics - In addition to the nature of Hitsugaya's death, Hitsugaya's ability / inability to respond via non-verbal communication, I was also wondering about the state of Matsumoto's mind. For her to fabricate Histugaya's negative responses (e.g. Simple, just talking to deadpeople) may have different implications. If she were lucid, totally "sane", his negative responses might reflect her actual feeling, that he could be dead, that he was ruining her life/career. If she were insane, we'll have to question the degree of insanity. To imagine Hitsugaya's responses down to the dot either meant that she developed a split personality or plunged off the deep end, hearing voices and all.

In my fics, Yamamoto is portrayed as a smarter and more sympathetic leader. The anime/manga makes him too stupid and useless.

Matsumoto is a weeeeeeeeee bit OOC here.

I had 2 ideas on Hitsugaya's death and I prefer my other idea **a lot** more(I haven't expressed it in words yet). I haven't decided on the title yet, but it pertains to how Matsumoto views Hitsugaya's label of 'heavenly guardian' as a curse.

Admittedly, this is an unusual plotline. Sociology has scrambled my brains big time.

Please review!


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